11:43 AM
Saturday, December 1, 2007
张惠妹-如果你也听说
突然发现站了好久
不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞
许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说
夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多
如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通旧朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和
舍不得又无可奈何
如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔
许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我想我宁可都沉默
其实反而显得做作
夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多
如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通旧朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和
舍不得又无可奈何
如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔
如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通旧朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔
如果你想起我
你会想到什么
Have been listening to new songs and this is yet another one that spoke to me. I think as the year ends and I do an evaluation of the year, this has been a year where nothing major happened, yet I think emotionally I have taken quite a beating, personal love life (the non-existance, the admitting and the rejection part), career (handling people i work with). These songs (plus the one i posted one 2 to 3 posts ago, and others that might come along) really reflects how i feel about my personal love life. Sometimes, we really wonder how people think of us? Do they think of us fondly? Or cringe when our names are mentioned? Cringed because it was a bad memory or guilt that hangs over their head?
I realised that after that Someone left, i wanted to be despondent and use physical intimacy as a way of escape. I did not succeed. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I reminded myself it won't have mattered to him, or even if he did, he would just say I was silly. And no I do not want to be a silly girl amongst the many that he already has. I have to be strong and move on. That's what expected of me. I have my moments of weakness. I cry at times still. Too much for my liking but sometimes it just hits me that I have no one. Friends aside, I really don't have that many people I can rely on. I have never learnt the art of relying on another individual.
I'm not going for my friend's wedding. Part of the reason is that I'm afraid seeing her getting married will remind me of where I'm NOT at. And I hate that feeling. Ais asked, "but you love your life right?" No doubts about that. What's not to love? But I think it hits you when it is your friend, someone who's the same age as you and they seemed to have move to a place where I have never been, and might never go.
Am I holding on to something so unsubstantial at the moment? Or better yet, WHY am I holding on to something so unsubstantial as a relationship that might not happen, a friendship that might be an illusion too? No wait, that's not being fair. We are good friends. Or were. But like I said, the grip is not as strong, the conviction is still there, but would I be proven wrong?
